Dangerously Sweet
by The Rainbow Alicorn
Summary: This is inspired by a thread (Torturing the Paidhi) on Shejidan, the Cherryh fan forum. It is fan fiction only, a fantasy of my own creation, and is not meant to reflect on anything CJ Cherryh has written or said. It is purely a parody. I do not own these characters. It's really just a series of little snippets of an idea I had. Please do not File Intent on me. XD


In an effort to reduce the increasingly high intake of sugar among the ship and station folk, a very enterprising individual developed fruit candies made with a specially formulated artificial sweetener, designed to sweeten the much favored lollies, but not alter blood sugar or otherwise effect concentration or mental activity, particularly in children.

Their creator, Russel, was quite proud of his recipe, as it was bursting with fruit flavors, and still sweet despite having no sugar. Interested in marketing it to both humans and atevi (as any entrepreneur is interested in doing, of course), he sent a bag of samples to one Bren Cameron, paidhi-aiji, with a request to try them and determine whether or not atevi would consider them kabiu, and whether or not they would have a place in the sweets market.

The paidhi, so presented with such a request, of course took it to the four most important people in his life: his aishid. Being atevi, they would have the desired opinion, and being his body guards, they insisted on trying them first to determine their wholesomeness, with the promise that they would analyze the product and write down their reviews.

It sounded like a reasonable idea at the time.

_Several hours later..._

Algini swore colorfully under his breath, reached for more paper off the roll, and cursed his situation.

Those sugar free fruit candies had seemed like such an excellent idea. He and his partners had, of course, sampled one of each flavor (there were seven varieties), and everyone had agreed that the fruit flavors were intense, and almost as good as the real thing. They had reported favorably to their principal, and given him the paper they had recorded their observations on, for him to transmit with the daily upload to the station. And of course, to clear them for Bren-ji's consumption as well.

Too soon, he thought grimly, wincing silently. Much too soon.

He had felt fine until dinner time, when his stomach had started feeling unsettled, churning constantly. The first real indication that something was amiss were the sudden, painful cramps that gripped his guts during the soup course. He had carefully remained impassive, sat ramrod straight in his chair and pretended that absolutely nothing was wrong as they cleared the dishes away in preparation for the presentation of the meat course. They had changed seasons, and cook insisted on ceremony. It would not do at all to offend Bindanda by begging off in the middle of the meal to curl up in bed until his belly settled down. Or to claim that they could have all just been poisoned. This was Bindanda's kitchen. The only way you were likely to end up poisoned was if he was displeased with you.

Which made Algini wonder if this was payback for that joke he'd made last week...

The meat course hadn't improved his condition. The longer the meal stretched, as they lingered over companionable conversation and a palate cleanser, the more enraged his digestion became. His belly pained him to such a point that a sudden urgency for the accommodation seemed imminent and, desperate for a genteel escape that didn't involve a mad dash for the back of the apartment, he had had to fake a minor security concern in order to make a measured but hasty exit from the table before dessert could be served.

His fellow diners had looked rather nonplussed, especially considering his partners had received no such notification of any security problems.

So there he was, confined to the accommodation until his body started behaving, and glumly hoping the ventilation system was able to cope with the aftermath of the unspeakable horror he had just endured. He had already gone over what he had consumed that day three times, in his head, and could think only of the fruit candies as the only variation from normal. The rest of his team members had not showed a sign of reaction though, so he was starting to doubt if it really was the candies, and maybe Bindanda really was upset about tha-

Oh damn. He'd just used the last of the roll. The last of the last roll, apparently. The junior servants had not restocked this important commodity today. It was entirely possible, though, that they weren't expecting sudden, calamitous, nay, near apocalyptic bowel conditions. It was a good thing he'd already finished. If he moved quickly, he could have the paper restocked without anyone the wiser, and further disaster could be averted.

Dinner was over, the change of season had been heralded most magnificently, and the household had set about to disperse into it's usual after dinner activities. Bren Cameron would have desired an evening spent sitting in his comfortable chair in the study, relaxing in front of the fire with a glass of his favorite shibei, maybe even with a few of those fruit candies he had sampled earlier, but that was not to be the case.

Instead of feeling happily full and content with the excellent meal he'd just consumed, his belly was aching and churning, and it wasn't long before he felt the dire need for relief. So before the servants could attempt to settle him down for the evening, he managed to beat a dignified retreat to the closest household facilities. He nodded politely to Algini, who crossed paths with him on his way to the servants passages, perhaps investigating his security concern. He did look rather grim about something.

But he had greater things to worry about.

Such as, after a prolonged event that had left him gasping and wondering what on earth he'd eaten that could cause such incredible discomfort...

WHO USED UP ALL OF THE PAPER?!

Bindanda had finished supervising the clean up of the kitchen. All was cleaned and put away, the junior servants had just folded and restocked the tea towels (you could never have too many tea towels, in his opinion) and he'd locked up the larder for the night, in preparation for his own quiet evening in bed, with a good book. As he turned aside, he saw the servants gathered quietly in the doorway, watching him expectantly.

Ah, yes.

He had promised them a sampling of the fruit candies Bren-nandi had brought to them. They were reported to be very good, and their lord had wished an atevi opinion on how kabiu they were, as they were the special sugar free sort. Bindanda was highly suspicious of course, being the head chef that he was, but not so closed minded he wasn't willing to try at least one.

So he retrieved the large glass jar he had stored them in, and the servant staff each gathered a few and sampled the different flavors. There were many comments on how good they were; only a few negative reviews, but mostly from those who had accidentally picked a flavor they were normally not partial to. Bindanda picked a green one, pulled the brightly colored bit of cellophane off, and popped it into his mouth.

Mm, not bad. Perhaps a slight off taste, but it could have been the flavoring. This particular fruit did sometimes have that effect on certain people.

Everyone insisted on trying one of each flavor of course, felicitous seven candies each, which severely depleted the jar, but everyone was happy and gradually they wandered off to the last of their evening chores and finally, to bed. Bindanda tucked the jar away once more and was about to turn out the kitchen light when he paused, bottom lip caught in his teeth, thinking.

He hurried back across the kitchen to the jar and hastily scooped up a handful, looking about as guilty a naughty child, and stuffed the candies into his pocket as he left.

Sometimes sweets were just what he needed on busy, stressful or upsetting days, and he usually kept a little store of them in his dresser drawer. These would be perfect for his stash.


End file.
